Seven's Blog

30th of May 2026

i have never felt this tired in my whole life. i feel like i can't be bothered to do more than stay in my room and even then that seems like such a taunting task. i don't even understand why my brain percieves every day like an article on a to do list.

21st of May 2026

i feel like on a certain level i have some interanlized toxic masculinity even as a trans man. which is crazy, where did i get it lol.
anyway, idk how to describe it any better, but especially emotionally, i kind of live by the rule of never showing anyone any negative emotion and i struggle with showing affection in more standard ways and just have very bad emotional intelligence when it comes to actually acting on emotions (idk if this makes sense, i hope it does).
also i don't like asking people for help on tasks and stuff like that. i need to stress that i don't really apply all of these things to other people, but only to me.

kind of a random thought, but i feel like the "language learning app" niche has gotten a duolingo shaped hole since the whole AI debacle that no other app has been able to fill

9th of March 2026

I can't believe that I fell in love with someone who is probably a chaser who doesn't really care about me. I am a hopeless fag and he is nice to me, he's friendly and he likes a lot of the same things I like and every time I am with him I feel so happy. last time we hanged out at my house we played videogames together and I felt like I was a teen again, hanging out with my other nerdy friends. it's so precious to be able to feel so connected with someone. I really love him a lot. Tho I know he probably doesn't really like me as much as I like him, or maybe I just want a level of attachment that is not healthy. I don't like being in love. it always scares me so much. i know i can't show my emotions too much. i become so stupid when i'm in love. i lose all type of self respect and i become just so easily manipulated. and i like it. i really just like it when i get to see that the person i like has no real interest in me, but it's just sad... i don't know if i will ever have a proper relationship.

7th of September 2025

so like a year ago, right before Easter I had this horrible cold/fever thing. I was coughing nonstop and I convinced myself I had developed cancer because I smoke and that this was also a punishment from God because I was smoking(this leap in logic isn't too clear) and I think that was the point I should have known that my mental health was going south. That's not a normal thing to think. I was so convinced. I was terrified. I spent nights crying. I think that's also the first really big religion related delusion I ever had.